Here we go again

I think it is funny how we become suckers for the ones we love. By no means was my life normal. What is normal anyway. Who defines it. Where is the person that says this is normal or that is normal. Is normal for me the same as it is for you.I don't know. I guess if you feel ok about how you are living your life and your not hurting anyone else then I guess that would be normal, right? What I am getting at is that dealing with my husbands drug abuse became normal to me. So much that when he finally decided to get fully clean I was scared to find out who he truily was.Would he need me any more, would I like the person he was off the drugs? That is the kind of thinking you go through when your normal is in runes. It just is . Like I said before he was a passive user, he would be so helpful around the house, washing dishes, cooking, folding clothes.You name it he would help me do it. When he wasn't using he was a lazy man . Depressed all the time, could not get him out of bed. He would always go to work. He provided for his family well. It was that up and down stuff that would drive me crazy. I didn't know what to expect from one day to the other. This was his personality when he was using. he was always loving, attentive to my needs,we would talk for hours,treated me as his queen. Rubbed my feet, rubbed my back, combed my hair, washed my hair, we had great sex. I fell in love with the addict and when it was time for him to stop, I wasn't sure if I wanted him to. That sounds so bad,but it is true.I really didn't know the clean person and I was scared. i don't know what that makes me but there it is. It's late and need to go, again would love to hear from you.