Today is a good day.

When drug user's go to AA meetings they tell them to take it one day at a time, that is so true. Drug user's can go for days sometimes months not wanting a taste of their drug. They call them good days. It is for them. The ones who fight them and see what they do to themselves and other's it's never a good day. We still have to deal with it. It use to piss me off when he would come home from a benge and tell me he was sorry and I had to act like it was OK. In reality I wanted to scream " Do not see what this is doing to me!" At times I wanted to leave sooo bad but I knew that I had no where to go and I was pregnant for his child. I truly loved him. I knew what his soul was like and I just had to get him to see it. He didn't find it for himself till Dec. 24Th 2008. He was baptized and has done so good lately. I will write more later and again if there is any one out there who needs to talk. Let me know. I can only tell you how I got through it and maybe it can help you to. Let me say this though Al non is a great program and if you have a chance to go to one of their meetings then go. They can help you so much. Just that sometimes we need some ONE to understand and listen and I can do that.

I am going to talk about the effects Now

My husband is 44 yrs old and he is now dealing with the effects of using for so long. He has back problems,he has lost his hearing do to fluid that has built up over the years. Because he has messed up his sinuses. He has a hole in his nose from doing cocaine. At night he will wake up choking because he can't breath. He has abused his body so bad that now he is feel the after affects of the drugs. He is now off the cocaine but is now hooked on pills. Hell who isn't anymore I take them myself. Even though they were given to me by a doctor to start with I still became addicted to them. I was never the addict I was always the one saving the addicts and now here I am one myself. So you see drugs do not care who you are. And drugs are not the bad ones in this it is us. The ones who have to have that extra something to get by. Drug addicts are never happy with just being high on life they have to go beyond that. What makes them that I don't know, maybe if we did it would be easier to stop using.We all want to feel better in some way. We may have a bowl of ice cream or a face lift, a shopping spree or let's pop another pill, snort another line or take another sip.What can it hurt right? That extra becomes the normal then you have to take more extra, then that becomes normal. Then before you know it you are an addict. After years of being an addict my husband is showing the sign of abuse and know I have another fight on my hands. I want him to live a long time but I am so scared that he has done to much damage. Even now he will come to me and talk me into letting him get alittle coke so he can get it out of his system. It is not like it use to be I will tell my self and it's only this once. So not only is he in a routine so am I. This has become my life as much as his. It is a roller coaster that has no brakes. I wonder if it will ever stop. And on the other hand I am scared for it to stop. If you have never been in this kind of situation then you don't know what I mean. If you are in this situation then you know exactly what I mean. I will leave you with my rumbling thought today because that is what I feel. I am in rumbles today and I needed to share. Thank You for listening.